anxious

anxious with an a
this word just makes me anxious

trust
trust your lord

believe
what's there to believe in?

Oh my
how can i do this?


what a word
anxious

it makes me tremble

And so it seems

Like i do know what i should do

Like i do know that there is an ending

So it seems

All these spiritual talk will it help does it help

When i do not interect with the world i live in?

I'm talking about human beings

Yes, that's right my dear human beings...who are you if you are not them?

Human beings, your father, mother, sister, friends, co-workers, bosses, bus-drivers, aunties and uncles, 

criminals, lawyers, clubbers, cleaners, enemies, terrorists

they are just human beings like you

what makes them do the things they do

what makes you say the things you say

What a wonder?

I wonder everyday that Tay calls that i'm grateful for.

It's a wonder we are telepathic

It's a wonder

Why?

who do i c-\o-exist with then?

Do i like Tax, audit and all that "SURVIVAL" skills??

Why did i choose the things i did and why did i do the things i do?

IS my soulmate never gonna be Tay?

is my soulmate not Tay at all? And i'm just disillusional?

These signs

I know htere are signs alright

and sure enough angels?

And how do i trusts my feelings when i i feel these signs poiont to him?

Who knows?

Sometimes, my feelings say yes and sometimes, it goes the other way?

HOW do i always know what i'm thinking of and how do you trust your gut feelings anyway?

What is gut feelings? 

How does that feel??

I wonder i really wonder

Now i've got to get back to my work which so damn much

Here in Canvass

Today

I'm guilty of making people upset

Today I'm guilty of losing proper relationships

Today

I'm guilty of becoming who i am

Today

I'm guilty of all things that i think would make me good

Today

It's the 12th April 2009. I'm at Canvass. Had a row with my sister over delaying time.

I brought up the past. chided her for delaying time that i cancelled my massage. 

Upset with myself for going down with her to art friend which i know that i will be late

for

know that my time is delayed know that my day is wasted

Today

I'm very upset

Why

Why do i go if i knew this will happen

did i jinx it

Why

Is this a matter at all

Why will she cry and why must i be upset

Why?? 

I don't know why

But i don't want this no more

I don't know why

But my life is in a constant spiral

not necessarily up 

and not necessarily down