Friday, March 13, 2009

Tay

Here we are
Jeanette
this kind of melodrama...

Why did i seek it?




What is the answer before me



if you'll love me back again


only memories left.

the clicking of the keyboard

the glancing of the phone

drama jean

They see him more often than i do

So what has been the big deal

What am i scared of losing

When i have already lost

what has been the point of waiting when waiting is no longer valid

Dear Tay

Dont let me abuse you any longer

Why wait when all i've got has been regret

Dear Jeanette

Dear Jeanette

Dear Jeanette

Dear Jeanette


Yor are just insane

What has happened is happening?

A bedroom of yearnings

I'm irked by the people who think of the past

What am i doing now



Freedom..

Run away tonight

Run away tonight


Right now everything you want is wrong

what has happened to me.

A freedom of joy

let go & be free.

Sunday, March 08, 2009

6 Oct 2008

Dear one,

I'm sitting on a desk at mazars sg. Feeling a little frenzied because of the talk yesterday. I don't know how to feel and now am overwhelmed. Little things that happened to me. I just let it pass. howver, this feeling stays with me for a while. I guess i talked too much. said too much of others. at the same time. i want to get over this feeling. but the feeling is still here.

I am overwhelmed by the changes in situations. from a happy afternoon at yoga to a fierce argument from sis at night. When this happens, how should i feel?
to be the observer and not in it. To be passionate and to be able to let it go.

where am i now??

when did i become a victim to these situations? what is it that i've said about ly flirting? maybe i've said i'm angry and upset by what they've mentioned. I dont' know i don't feel like working with my sis anymore. it's just not worth it. what do i understand from this situation.

it's very upsetting to hear about what they say about me. i shouldnt say it then, don't tell me secrets because i dont get secrets. why is it that ly communicated with my sis and not tell me about it. fuck. isn't it great that she can tell ly about me and not her to adeline. fuck man which is worse telling a friend about this whom she doesnt i guess it doesnt matter.

talking about someone is just it. I dont think i can work at canvass anymore. complications.

it's like i'm feel ungrateful about it. fuck lah. what about the flirting game. i feel like calling ly to tell her off. what is it that'= i've said. den dont' get me involved.

i dont' think friends is good for us. don't call me er-jie. i dont feel comfortable with this.

thanks.

I feel hyporcritical about our relationships. we're both wearing a fake mask and it' tearing off. or it's thickening up. whatever,

To escape is no way either. to run home to face it doesnt make it better too. change my thought and now here i am sitting on mazar's desk feeling a little runned down and frenzied. if anyone were to appear anytime i'll porbable m=punch his her face. gladly.

what the fuck why are u jealous over keith and I? when we are just cousins. man.
maybe it's the same thing i'm h=jealous over u and my sis. and i dont care about it at all. i don't want to interefere. i just want to be myself. and be selfless in giving i just want to do good. a

am i doing myself good?
in what terms do i call good?
then is this what i talked about?

read so much about. that's crab/ what i read and apply has alot to distance inbetween.
grouchy as i am . i dont want to face my sis back home and go through another round o f justification and arguement. just let it be but my anger arises when she talks about me.

ME. me me me. who's me/

if i just let this sitiuatiion pass won't it be good and better?

Dear Jean

Dear Jean.

Where do you want to hide?

Where do you want to go?

Where is it that you like?

How would you find wonders

How do you expect others to know your true feelings?




When i dont know mine

How do i know

When i don't know mine?

Dear God,

May this be a personal appeal to you
I know you are laughing

Because i dont need to make an appeal
I just gotta speak to you

May i be brave to speak my thoughts
My inner thoughts
spoke with real thoughts