6 Sep 2007 at 10:39am

This i really wonder why we have worked out so much.
Maybe, a letter a day would do me good.

The time we stayed at phranakon was the most beautiful and lasting
memories i've had.
it was unforgettable where time stood at a still.

it felt we were alone together.

i fell in love once again.

Sparks at the balcony made me recall of the time when u sent me a
pic of a heart made with swirling sparkles. i missed you...

if u had loved me, u wouldn't had rejected me. when u said u loved me,
were u reluctant?

if u did loved, then why are u reluctant? times when u said u'll be down again and again. why is it hard. i wonder how you would not
understand me.

did u not feel loved; u said u always felt the need to take care of me.

i'm not a yuoung kid. was it because u were projecting your
weakness onto me?
silly me, i let you do that. i obliged to the things u wanted me to give and suggested. maybe i wanted to give you all my love, maybe i felt my love was never enough. the feelings i'm having are erratic and
i think it could be hostile. so i tried to compensate by giving u
surprises that i've done what i thought u would like

through your words..

giving myself a shave, doing yoga, dressing well and conservatively,
making friends, watching shows that u've watched, smoking shisha and more recently playing games..

i told myself they were part of being a couple and doing things that each other liked. but u took it as me giving you too much love. maybe
what i did was overdoing for a long-distance thing. i don't know.

maye i've never had a chance to be intimate with you. to say the words I've wanted to say
out. i guess i can never do it,, because i fear rejection. which is already the case. when i have an emotional outbursts.. usually concerning us, you've gotta bear with it.

u said it was not because i'm over emotional. then what is it?

i keep finding out what was wrong with me...

that i could have done something better. i wanted perfection, i wanted you. i still want you, and i
still hope you would someday come back to me. i've not forget the times together, the things u said over the phone and how nice u were to me

but u did not love me. not now, not anymore. not forever. u needed to find other partners, u needed variety, i'm thinking of then when u send
messages to this girl. i can't stop you by questioning you.

we are lovers

but i've invaded some sort of distrust

so it's unfair to speak of
it. i guess .. i m not sure.

i hope you can give me an answer. an answer of some sort.

but the answer lies within me. i know i'm a nice girl. and that's why you have loved me for so long.

We could have ended earlier. but maybe now is the time for us to leave each other.

While you feel a need and urge to explore..

And so i should accept

with grace.

that this has an end to it.

The night u left me at samran place was almost unbearable.

i wanted to
die. and leave. i wanted something. safe, closeness. but it was
heart-wrenching. all the things u said in the hotel.. u just wanted to
feel better and i let you in. once more. i could not bear it, and u
left. u did not sent me to the airport. how do i forgive.

i wanted closure, for the girl u called dear. but it's my doing for
checking you phone. i feel a need to, and urge to know your
whearabouts. but yet i feel further from you. further and further away. the trust is lost..and so is our relationship.

tay i'm sorry for what i've done. but i've always ben faithful to you.

I wanted an outcome

but u wanted an ending.

So that's our parallel lives.