Cold december

It's december yet again.

I'm learning each day as it comes.

Here in the room

I feel lonely again.

Where is happiness?

In me. In my heart.

Why do i feel lonely and away?

Little Hanoi

This note was typed into my phone while i was in Hanoi during late October.
The name "little hanoi" derived from a the name of a cosy diner's in the back streets of old quarter.

Miss him so much.
I think maybe not brush it away
but learn how to live with this ache.

I prayed for a soulmate.
I missed him.
I thought of how much weight I've gained & him seeing me this way.

I guess God is saying it's not meant to be.

I mean it's first love.

And I'm attached to it.


I miss your kiss tay.
it's better with time.

It's a journey for me.

"Love is like a journey".

When its so painful,
why do i want him to know?

Krabi, it was great.

When I'm alone, how do i find solitude?
It's like opening my flesh
My wound.
Peeiling it out bit by bit.
It's dangerous.I dont' want to go there.
Yet not knowing hurts too.

Still counting the days still counting time.

I'd like to be healed. Healed from the pain.
The pain I think I'm attached to.

I like to go deeper.

I like to start anew.

All that reminds me are walks, bangkok streets, highway, taxi rides, hotel stays.
eating, making love, text messages , your eyes, your breath, your voice, your tenderness.

Yet this really pains me as i'm crying now.

They say every little thing you do,
the world hears.

Where are you now? Do you hear me now?

If you're happy with someone else, I'll be fine.






Are you sure jeanette?

Are you the same girl as before?