Mixed like a fruit blend

It's frustrating

i'm frustrated with the world and myself
to express to give to love
can't do anything and can't do something

Right now
after exhaustion from computer
i'm sitting right here using it once more

i should be meditating
but i kill myself with exhaustion
and bad thoughts
and later tell myself i'm just too tired for it

mental physical bondage

So I dreamt of him two days in a row
1st dream he was rushing to go off in a train
in which i delayed by holding on to garbage
& he sped up our meeting by offering to throw it away
then he was gone
when i called
he was on the train back home & did not pick up my call

In the 2nd dream
i communicated with him through friendster
and LY asked how's things between me and tay
I said "Ok" and she shot me a concerned look
and that was because she saw a girl by starting with the letter "M"
intervening between me & tay's messages
And it could be me instead. Intervening

All things come to an end
and that's how i come to know of it

having seen the post on facebook
i now know you've a girfriend

What do i say then
having felt all these dreams

and having recurrences of the results
travelling and failing to meet
meeting and failing to go the distance

So many questions so many heartaches

all caused because i've faield to see
what's not in for me
and what's to release

till now
i sit here
aching and trembling inside
because i keep hoping
and hope as i might
it never comes

the calling
i know it's so wrong
it 's so bad
i keep doing it

Failing to see the rest of the world
how crazy you are
to be this way

stuck in the mud
and not getting up

maybe u're not getting in
and looking out

for love's here
and it's here now
everywhere

it's not to be found
for it's never hidden

just clear the shades of grey
and u will find
a piece of heaven
bestowed upon one who loves all and deserves love