piercing

it's so painful to see it taken away
it's so painful to draw back and hide.

it's so painful to see her with him.
my heart is peirced and i felt cheated.

i feel a wave of hatred and betrayal.
i feel the standing loner fool.

i feel dumb and stupid to beleive this.
it's aching aching aching

i need love

That's what i need.
day and night
i yearn for love.
the blasitng emotional kind
i've lost love and i'm indebted to love
i say no one loves me and i love no one
i need love the strong explosive kind

i seek true love but it's never there
my hopes are turning into ash as i take each eyelash and turn it into my wish

help me to recover.

Only i can do it myself.

what i'm doing now is killing me and i'm crying my heart out because i yearn for love.
someone to hug and hold me

My new aim

Work on Being Happy.

I think and feel happy thoughts

therefore I vibrate happy thoughts.

When i vibrate happy thoughts,

I attract Happiness.

18.09.07

Talking to Tay yesterday was a good decision i would say.
The best part was that i told him about me reading his emails. And about things i saw on the email.

Let me break it into good and bad parts.

First the bad parts.
1. we couldnt come to a conclusion yet
2. We know we can look for somebody, which may happen over the next 3 months.
3.Then we wont meet again
4. i talked about me being rejected twice. once when i was pregnant, 2nd, when he broke up with me in BKK.
5. I did not turn out as strong as i could be.
6. We are still friends.


Now the Good Parts.
1. We are still friends.
2. We still have some hope about later.
3. He mentioned i was one of his important people in his life.
4. He said i was very attractive.
5. He told me that the girl liked him and nothing happened between then and now.
6. He said the break-up was on impulse.
7. He was very honest.
8. I told him i've read his emails.

What do i do to stop this habit?
prying
i should know

i've got to find some better things to do