Ironically

I have this strong belief
that any relationships could work
if both are willing to.
Anyone, with anyone.
Could be done if there is a will

But, i can't say so for myself.
I tried giving up having a closer bond with my sis.
Ironically, when i had the belief of anyone can be close, only if they wanted to.

However, I always felt that my sis and i could never work out our problems.
And I felt we could never get closer.
I always felt of departing, or felt like leaving for a while.

While we sort things out.



i hope my belief still stand true.
That everyone is good by nature.
And people could love each other, only if they are willing to.

In one, In One.

Long Distance.

It's getting increasingly common. Danny's Friend Gip, really did mention about a wedding dress.
Maybe they were kidding.
So..to that topic. Marriage.

Fearful to say but wanting it so much.

Marriage of the souls. was it what i wanted??
I hoped you'll love me
i just want to feel wanted. and loved.

i want to feel secure.
I feel people will leave me.
i feel feelings might change.
I feel love is not forever.
i feel scared about dying hearts.

i feel unwanted and confused.

i feel people find others eventually.
i like to test them.
i feel sad and scared.
i am scared and sad.

i feel sorry. I feel so sad.

so sad right now.

Tay i wished you were here with me.

i wish it never had to end.


i wish i was more careful with your heart.

i wished i had loved you more.

i wished upi had come back for me. i wished to be the same again.

Yet i wished you be brave and happy.

I wish you can feel good with me and not confined.

i feel that i need not need you.

i want to be brave and strong and self-suffiecient.

i hope for the best outcome today.. tommorrow...

i pray for you.

My thoughts

"Will i see you again?"

What happens if we do what will we do when we meet
When you wanted a break. it's over.
It's unfair to say that you wanted it, since i'd initiated the topic.

I'll have to find my way. a break.
a change is always good. it's always for a reason.

Untargeted vulneribility
I wanted to be open. But i gave no limit to my boundaries.
I'm open yet closed to my authentic self.

Seeing things the way people do. Do i have a Pillar to fall back on?

Myself. I'm accepting myself more each day.

I want to feel accepted and loved.

My poor childhood memories gives me unstability and lack of support in times of difficulties.

Teach and love myself better.



I hope to give my sister a sense of security.

But i don't. Not because i don't want to. But i have my issues..

Issues with her in my bad childhood memories. Issues with me not loving myself, because i feel confined. issues with not being who i truly am in front of others.

Calmness, serenity and contentment.