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hello you there
i feel shameful of myself
losing hiding in one corner hiding myself
away from him
how useless writing my feelings here ..writing my feelings here instead of showing him
i want to show someone my blog

but who?
him? my sis?
pam?
will i be able to write once more?
how will i feel?


like a sponge
absoring the thougths of everyone
when willl it be too heavy?
when will it drain out and feel light again

sensitive insensitive
conscious unconscious
unfeeling

our relationship cant work
unless both put in the effort

genie my cousin i'm thinking of you
sometimes i feel i'm like you
hiding your moods in one box
forever searching
lost like a child losing its way home
i wonder how

tay, missing you
i hope to be hopeful

pessimist or optimist
half half
sometimes i feel like a pessimist
i fear this
i fear that
but i'm always hopeful


these days i'm not
i'm letting go hopes
im letting it be

there's a constant struggle
i want to know how all these happened
why it happened
my struggles

monday morning

Hello Tay,

i very much wanna call your mobile

i wonder if u are awake now

hesitant and worried that you are angry for me not calling

i'm worried of alot of things

should i just call? did you have fun last night?

are you back from hua hin ?

slept through the night?

i miss you

want to come see you again

maybe later huh

the thought on the part of seperation is hard to bear

would be a long time when we see each other again

pain

seeing you again and again

so painful

this process feels forever

trust the process, some say

i hope i stay strong for you

am i selfish to want you again and again?

i hope to make this lighter but it's pretty painful

tay, i wonder if the time will ever come
or will the pain be forever embedded in our lives
to always remember this love this unforgettable love

dear tay, the future is uncertain and unlit

is there anything we can do to make it better?

will you leave thailand for me
will you?

will i leave singapore for you?

that much struggle....
even though it's later
we'll still never know the outcome

guess we have to do something
for that something must be an action against your fears or mine


to want to hold you so tight is so painful

all the advice in the world would not make me sane again
if i dont' see you once more