departed.once and again

Explosion, like you told your sister.
the lonely feeling comes again. what comes next?

what comes next
i wonder if you have cheated. i saw your phone messages and knew something was amidst

the love you gave me here
is it the same you gave to others?
do you have someone there. back in thailand

yes. i need a confirmation to walk away

is he cheating on me?
how do i ask him
does he like someone there

i wonder i wonder
is it always so hard

now that you left
my heart starts to sink
automatically it gets used to the pain of departing
now i'm staring to feel a little numb

now i try to do as much work to get back to the life and think less of your doings

should i have looked into you phone
why delete saved messages?

those sweet nothings you said to me before are less heard.
my messages in your phone are not treasured even though they are our form of daily doings

yesterday in the cab, you criticised my sister and said i'm just like her
something about our insecurity
he held my hand while saying it which i dont know if it was out of concern
but he ended off the conversation
i don't care

am i like my sister ? is it wrong or terrible to feel like this

numbing my pain
i try not to think about good times
but it's flooding my mind
as i work on not thinking of you
it's consuming each breath and life is taking a slow turn when i think of places we've been

avoiding the pain
i pain myself more
if it consumes you too tell me

if it hurts you to leave, tell me
if life is painful without me, tell me.

tell me i'm not the only one feeling it
tell me you are in this with me

tell me love,
tell me something


reacting to his messages i can't react
when i react there is pain how was i like when he was here

he has changed. sociable and livelier he is now
which made me wonder if he is happier as there's another woman in his life
because i'm feeling sadder and more attached

which really makes me wonder if these all made sense

dear lord,
i feel used, i feel i'm the girl he has in singapore and another in thailand
the messages miss you, sending me home gives me insecurity about his socialising outside

are men flirts
should i catogarise him as those men
should i view him individually

in this relationship
where should i stand firm and feel that it isn't right
how should i stop
even though he said it was just messages


dear lord,
when he departed, i felt he's going back to another love one
should i ask him?