Because of you

I will not make the same mistakes that you did

I will not let myself

Cause my heart so much misery

I will not break the way you did,

You fell so hard

I've learned the hard way

To never let it get that far

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Because of you

I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me

Because of you

I am afraid

I lose my way

And it's not too long before you point it out

I cannot cry

Because I know that's weakness in your eyes

I'm forced to fake

A smile, a laugh everyday of my life

My heart can't possibly break

When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Because of you

I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me

Because of you

I am afraid I watched you die

I heard you cry every night in your sleep

I was so young

You should have known better than to lean on me

You never thought of anyone else

You just saw your pain

And now I cry in the middle of the night

For the same damn thing

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Because of you

I tried my hardest just to forget everything

Because of you

I don't know how to let anyone else in

Because of you

I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty

Because of you I am afraid

Because of you

Because of you

The Stars say . . .

Asking for what you want can be a touchy proposition,

but according to the stars, there's really no time like the present.

All you need to do is give a little consideration to how, exactly, you'll phrase your request. Pointing out what's in it for them is never a bad tactic, so be ready to offer something in return. If you approach this with awareness and care, luck will definitely be on your side.

Ask away...

And so, i asked the CEO for the staffs' Dec salary, including mine, which was still pending,
with consideration to how, exactly, i phrased my request.

"it'll come after January. " he replied straightly.
"How do you expect the company to pay with no funds? "

darn..

Be-With-Me

I really like this movie.
I've watched it again and again, it touched me.
Not much dialogue were used, yet i felt so much.

it was Simple, Beautiful, Moving.


http://www.zhaowei.com/bewithme.html


p/s: Hope u'll like it pam. Maisy didnt manage to sit through the show thou! betcha miss Sg after this.

Enter

Im counting down.

Kinda nervous.

A little excited.

Anticipating.

3.

2.

1.



the new year that is.

hurt

when shall i come to senses
that the one you love isn't me

when is the day
when truth is a step from realisation

when shall you see
that the one i love is you?



when shall love conquer?




no, it doesn't conquer
when it involves you & me

i am sad
forget me

I'm liking you more each day.
You grow in me, you know that?

Love

I like how love is lost and re-kindled

I like how 2 worlds collide

I like how hope never loses

and happiness lives.

at large

i have loads to say.



To those who have nothing going on, like me.

say something.

it's there, but u'll have to dig it.


I may seem emotional, in my writings.

Truth is, once it's out of my system,

these feelings bother me no more.

M&Ms

When your heart keeps shedding
till you reach the point
it's so raw
it's soft

it hurts when you touch
but it's real
And it's when you feel so vulnerable

Why

Bonds Tied.

By chance of fate.



Unmaintained.

by lack of attention.

tears.

with no repairs.

breaks.

with regrets.





Death.
with a lingering longingness.

orange-peel

hmmm..


Orange : A subtle mix of sweetness & sourness
Peel : A progression to the inner feelings





Juicy.

1983

i'm hoping for a whiter christmas.

there are things i want to say
but cant.

there are things i want to do
but cant.

there are pieces left in me..afraid to be opened.

.............................................................................................................
i think of the past often.. weaving old memories into dreams.
dreams of love, dreams of miracle.dreams of acceptance, dreams of sweetness.

somewhere, there's an end.

when it comes, wake me.

27.05.05

Sometimes i wish you'll see

Sometimes i wish you'll hear

Not what i speak

But what i feel.

MSN

"i love you
come fly with me"



I thought that was sweet.

15.12.2005

i've got a sharp pain..

Suddenly, christmas lightings down Orchard

wasn't so grand anymore.
Suddenly, carols played under lamp posts

sounded annoying.
The cheerfulness of the season, died.

My heart is angry. it is upset.
My 1st day of break. ruined by errand running.
My hope of shopping for me. gone by your calls.
I tried changing your name,
I got sick of the previous one appearing on my phone.
But it didn't help, it's dreading.

I don't work for you.
I'm not rushing to aid you.
It isn't pleasing.
You do well in making me feel bad, only to run more errands.

I have my life.
but you're constantly eating into mine.
and making a shark bite out of it.

i snapped.i hung up.
it got on my nerves.

Phew

Finished my papers!! Such relief i would say.
It's torturous having to think of studies when you are at work, Or, when guilt hits you if you are out partying.

Things i would wanna do right now..

1. Indulge in the xmas spirit, finally!
2. Dvd rentals-- yes, after work!
3. paint, craft, draw
4. lunches with family and friends
5. visit nellie
6. sleep. YEss now!
7. ooh, a hair-cut!

Pam's supposed to be back on 16th Dec. That's tom..i was looking forward to it.

With her, Life is good.

Ever so easy to ditch longing
yet longing comes after me.

Ever so easy to quit
yet quitting i'm not gamed for.

Ever so easy to act nonchalant.
Yet nonchalance, i dread.

Ever so easy to leave
Yet leaving stings me

Ever so easy to forget
yet existence soothes.

Ever so easy to take one step
Yet fear is rubbed in.

Somewhere over the rainbow

Skies are blue

And the dreams that you dare to dream

Really do come true

Some day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up

Where the clouds are far behind me

well well

today's the start of an end.

i must have been dreaming when i thought things would stay.

today's the end of a start.

Now i should come to terms that it takes two to clap.

You, my temporary addiction...

oh. guess who's down for a little vacation? to take on Queen of the house again?? yes! Pebbles!

hugs and kisses

the day passes quickly. tom comes in 8. everyday's different, yet when night falls, i feel the same. dazed & silent.

i was awaken last night to the sounds of Biyah's alarm. lying on the new blue sofa bed, placed at the balcony. i realised my short break stretched to one long nap. it was 5 in the morning. my comforter was spread on me. the fan was switched on. Mummy had apparently tried to wake me from slumberland. must have been a failed attempt.
I struggled my dazed mind out of the comfy position and lugged my comforter as i walked up the stairs. then, washed my face and headed back to sleep in the room.

that moment, when i first opened my eyes, only to find me lying alone on the sofa, i felt a urging sense of having someone with me. it dawned upon me how one sometimes feel depressed when away from their loved ones. this feeling i never understood till now.

As a child seemingly void of showing affections, escaping touches and avoiding kisses, i have began yearning for these, and i guess it's healthier this way.

tom begans in 8, and yawnn.. good night lady.

Glimpse..

A little glimpse into me.


1.) on my desk
2.) a sketch inside my diary
3.) nette


Thought i'll make this more visual.

Looks Matters??

Okay.I'm stuck.

i prefer if you've done maintenance..or grooming.

Machineries need maintenance..old art works need a fresh coat of paint..a rundown city needs a revamp..

I got pics sent via mail today and somehow i didnt fancy it.

jingle bells

It's round the corner..and I'm dreaming of a perr-fect one.
I'll be in States..San fran, L.A, New York..any part! as long as i'm there.

christmas time
like those pictured in "Home Alone",
or how cartoons strips in "Archies" maketh the imagination
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Shopping in crowded malls
with christmas carols playing at the background
presents adorned with huge red ribbons

I'll grocery shop in Safeway
strolling down wide lanes, pushing an extra large trolley
where frozen turkeys, specially packaged M&M's, candy canes arrive in store

Outside
it'll be cool and frosty
your nose wrinkles red with the icy air
hopefully! i see snow.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

I've been there once during the season, however i could only remember myself lying in the hotel bed snoozing the morning away
Being a tourist you could only smeell, not indulge in the festivities of the spirit.

I'll have roast beef, spiced cookies, choc log cake
homes lighted with cinnamon candles
the christmas tree is up, all high and mighty
while presents are tucked beneath
and we, eagerly waiting for it to be tored

Ooo.. it's a fantasy/dream i've always wanted.

Some day,
when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you...
Lovely ... Never, ever change.
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it ?

when it's all you

took a day leave and went home to rest.
i was feeling lost and lonely and decided that it could be due to lack of sleep
a number of events came into my live recently
and i tried to take all of them in
now i'm kind of exhausted and need company badly

to feel loved from far is no fun
you wished the person's here with you now
cozing up by your bed side.
Yet, when it comes,
it leaves too fast and makes you sadder when it's gone

i can't wait for my confinement to end and hopefully travel down to Gualala.

good night

"All is ready and we leave as soon as breakfast is over. Goodbye little Diary.
‘Sleep tight and wake bright,’
for I will need you when I return"

I'm quiet you know

These days. i'm beginning to feel needy.
i'm beginning to look forward. i'm beginning to want company.
from people i hardly speak too.

this confinement. has led me to open to more.
to open my heart to more.
standing here alone. i feel vulnerable.
i crave companionship.

baldditty bald

the baldy is irritating. the balding baldy walks with an air.
the bald baldy takes without a thank you.
you balding bald.
you balding bald.
who consumes too much curry puff. too much toxins in you.
the baldy wears striped shirt with striped pants. has chest hair like gorrilla's.but way too little above. who has too much toxins in him. you badly balding bald...

i wish

Laughter fades and Beauty leaves
Flowers wither and Scents pale
Music screeches and Anger speaks
Lost happens, Dreams die.


All i'll have left will be my soul.


It's oh so quiet!
they wonder if she's fine.
she's having cramps she say.

she's going to call someone, far.
she's going to feed her hunger.
Medicine's going to be drowsy.
Later, she'll hibernate.

Weather's cold, and the pain's killing.

She's fine. she's cuddling up with her old furry today.

the dawn is breaking.. my heart is sinking.

These days.. I've been feeling lonely. need to love someone, to feel loved, to know i exist.
I think i need a companion, Someone here.
My thought's broken now it's hard to think hard to have faith
So Drift me to someplace, far,
For as long as you can.

So
I love you, baby! And if it's quite alright,I need you, baby,To warm a lonely night.I love you, baby.Trust in me when I say..Oh, pretty baby,Don't bring me down, I pray.Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay And let me love you, baby.Let me love you. . . .

Oh oh

I'm experiencing the high's and low's again.

it's the TIME OF THE MONTH..

can't touch this. Ouch!



and i overslept in the bus again..on the way home.
This time, i woke up in an unfamiliar place..
which meant i've gone too far..

Acid Tones

Expose.
A word hardly existent in my dictionary
Sends shivers down my spine
Makes me all vulnerable & weak

It's always been my nature
That I've been secretive (shhhh..)
No one knows exactly

But
However much i feel frailty
Least
Fear's not on my mind
For hiding it keeps me trapped inside

However much vulnerability frightens me
However much i am uncomfortable with it

I~think i should face this unsureness, the myraid of emotions that comes along with it
Experience what i've always tried to conceal, what people not seen me speak.
I~think it's worth it. Least when i fall, the reason's clear.

Misery loves Company.
wanna hang out?

ok. i'm ready, to love you.
Come love me for-ever-more.

never-ending

huge foot baby steps

these feelings i have inside.
so much going on.

come. let me see what i can do for you.

the mundanity of me

I do feel like sleeping.. have been subconsciously alive the past months.

AWAKE!!
i badly want some spice right now!

sooon lady.

laughter..the best antidote. it was the best Dinner & dance i had. With this, i dread foreseeing how my future life in accting firms are going to be.

Theme:"Shall we Dance?".
Location: Swissotel Raffles.
On the Menu: gorgeous looking hosts; one charismatic, one with legs i'll die for. jaw-dropping outfits.hot hot HOT salsa moves.
Guaranteed: a night of entertainment with bags of amusement

i'll be leavin this year.
i'll miss the people, the fun, the gossips.
a blend of high society good-lookers.fab gays.fashion-minded ah-lians.

i'm going to miss them. as much as it interrupts my schedule, i cant bear to leave the ppl. ah the carefree life of a beauty consultant..

makes my current career path soo less boring.

I think i would want to go into the
entertainment industry.into a creative position. into something artistic.

Forever indulging in this is no sin. it's a blessing.

Maybe i'll leave next year..

Now. i think i need to get myself out of this hole.....

A good sleep. one that i'll wake up and things becomes clear..oh so clear

my precious one

i wouldnt know how to introduce

cause she is more than just that
she is someone i hold so dearly to my heart

i woke up this morning
thinking of words spoken
and words left unspoken

i would like her to know i love her
i still do

i'd like her to know i'll cheer her when she's sadly sighing
i'd like her to know hope will see her through
i'd like her to know distance is just a measure of space
i'd like her to know in the nights that so hurt, i'll always be there
i'd like her to know i'll wipe her tears however much
i'd like her to know fairy tales are made with her in mind

i'd like her to know the playground now feels empty
i'd like her to know bus rides are now less enjoyable
i'd like her to know cheese cakes dont taste fantastic anymore

i'd like her to know i'll still love her as much

i'd like her to know her smile brighten the saddest souls
i'd like her to know her words calm and heal pain ( at least mine)
i'd like her to know she means the world to me

Dearest one.
i never knew we'll be apart
and i never knew it'll be long
i never knew we might never be the same
but i know i still love you
i still do.

these comments..always encouraged

oops..

It's time to take a step further.
kissed? man? problems??
i'm feelin the pressure, i'm avoiding the questions
i'm hiding it i'm avoiding it
it pierces through
enough.
i'm taking chances.

Blink

Blink the Book


........................................................................
I used to think everytime a person blinks
your fate changes

So
if i'm in a situation i do not fancy
i'll blink and wait a moment
Again, if nothing happens..
till things seem ok

and if i like it
i'll stare long as i could
hard as i would
till my eyes water

This always happens when my parents quarrel, or when i like a certain someone.

My silent, mystical spell.

Would you do That?

Oblivion

Can i be oblivious to you Reading this?

Nope! i cant.
Apparently you have my address,
and this blogger initiated..

Well..
not too bad
sharing my thoughts
with someone i've always turn to

these thoughts changes
i'm glad u are a part of this

it'll only be harder
writing about you
u'll see it all..

the start of day i expose my feelings
with your eyes on this
i'll be naked, with only my undies on.
That's how much i'll keep from this blog..

Lovely day

GUESS... My favourite day of the week my favourite time of the day??

Sunday, Morning!

For the moment
Waking up to my family, Morning Greetings, Family Brunches, Birds chirping, Cars driving off, Cars parking, Slamming of car doors, Family strolling down for toast and half boiled eggs.. the day of the week i have my teh...

For the meantime
looking forward to meet sis, receiving sweet msgs from my love one, having absolutely plan nothing, playing with little spotty, whilst unhappy thoughts fail to dampen my mood...

Lovely!

And could this have all started with a msg from afar? "Have an Awsome Sunday!"

Turn up the volume,
drown my thoughts..
I think i've said enough
enough till i'm exhausted

Leave my soul
My soul rests

it'll find it's way
*Destination*

My own thoughts
blown up to a balloon
*BURST*

Pressurized
to make it ok
coolness never a part of attention
till i'm silent
till i'm unnoticed

worried that i didnt cherish moments
worried i'll regret actions on my part

Yet my actions depresses me

Blogspot is so considerate.

"Allow New Comments on this Post"

OYes ONo

I can even choose if i want to receive a comment..
Normally, It would just be receiving a comment and then u choose whether you want to publish it or not...


oh rite,
oh so i thought...
My grammer's not there
Blogspot meant " hey! when someone leaves a comment.. it'll appear on site whether u have approved or not!"

Confession

I think i'm not in love with you
I'm sorry
for these games
I didnt fall for you
I didnt feel excited
yes for a little romance
it feels good
But ...
Why do i not look forward to seeing you?
Why do i feel relief when you don't ans your calls?
sigh..
Do i dread it?
I think i was confused
I need someone to like me
to take my mind of something else

But YOU,
Now telling you is the harder part
Dont waste your time
Dont waste your money
It might not be good
I dont like you

Oh i dread this.

just a ride

Life, it’s ever so strangeIt’s so full of changeThink that you’ve worked it out then BANGRight out of the blueSomething happens to youTo throw you off courseand then youBreakdownYeah you breakdownWell don’t you breakdownListen to meBecauseIt’s just a ride, it’s just a rideno need to run, no need to hideIt’ll take you round and roundSometimes you’re upsometimes you’re downIt’s just a ride, it’s just a ridedon’t be scareddon’t hide your eyes It may feel so real insidebut don’t forget it’s just a rideTruth, we don’t wanna hearIt’s too much to takeDon’t like to feel out of control So we make our plansTen times a dayAnd when they don’t go our way weBreakdownYeah we breakdownWell don’t you breakdownListen to meBecauseIt’s just a ride, it’s just a ride no need to run, no need to hide It’ll take you round and roundSometimes you’re upsometimes you’re downIt’s just a ride, it’s just a ride don’t be scareddon’t hide your eyes It may feel so real insidebut don’t forget it’s just a rideSlowly, oh so very slowlyexcept thatthere’s no getting offSo live it, just gotta go with it coz this ride’s, never gonna stopBreakdownDon’t you breakdownNo need to breakdownNo need at allBecauseIt’s just a ride, it’s just a rideno need to run, no need to hideIt’ll take you all aroundSometimes you’re upsometimes you’re downIt’s just a ride, it’s just a ridedon’t be scared now dry your eyes It may feel so real insidebut don’t forget enjoy the ride

Comeback Kiddo

RESILIENT: marked by the ability to recover readily.
DETERMINED: Devoting full strength and Concentrated attention to



Resilience & Determination was what put him through his dream, he said.
And if you put in that much, and still do not achieve it, Open up to people, they'll help you attain it.

success come with a price...this..

Start date: today.
Achievement date: 2 mths


1. SELF-DISCIPLINE: Study daily- at least 1 hr on weekdays. 4 hrs on weekends
( 2 mths left! )
Achieve a Merit for both papers

2. Stay Focus! : snapp out of your dreams and think of consequences!

3. Be Optimistic: it doesnt hurt!

4. Let go of Fear.

5. Excercise 3 times weekly, subsequently increase to 5 times.

6. Stick to a HEALTHYdiet
- Fried food, food that's High in Sugar content- NONO
- Drink vegetable juice 4 times weekly
- Take steamed, soupy, non-oily meals

7. Be seen as a social Butterfly.

8. Patience..

"You can do anything if you have enthusiasm."
- Henry Ford

Easy.. on hope

It’s easier to say I’m ok
It’s easier to say I didn’t hope for anything
It’s easier to say I never wished for anything in the first place

Then it’ll save me from all the heart-break
Then I’ll be deceiving myself
That’ll be much worse

My space
Your space

To say I’ve given up hoping
Is not true
It makes things seemed it has never taken place

Can you Listen to me? You may just get what you want.

what a day.

i felt childish.

not that u dont understand me. making a conversation is hard.

yeah...

i feel like a kid.

Do u find what i dont see in me?


hurts like ten thousand needles
getting into you never gets into me
i try to understand
u always sheer away
drivin up in full force
leaves my heart weak & exhausted

i try to see the way u see
it just gets harder
harder

I am hard to you
I am cold to you
U make me feel so far
U make me feel so young
U make me want to go
U make me unsettled

I'll try till
my heart swells
my heart breaks
my love diminished

The Vibratory Secret of Manifestation

I think, therefore i feel.
I feel, therefore i vibrate.
I vibrate, therefore i attract.


Positive thoughts!

Dun lose track!

Dear silly me..

I missed my stop today and had to walk 20min back to take the bus home.
I was dazing.. i saw my stop, but for that moment.
i didnt see where i was going.

i cursed and swear.
i pissed on myself so many times bcuz of not focusing on the present.

Dear one!
Stay FOCUS!

Thank you.

Ya yA

Yayoi Kusama holds her exhibition here!
The livng, breathing, maniac artist from japan!

Exciting.

I'm getting addicted to insanity.

Sunday Morning

Never been harder
This time, this moment
I'll pull myself up.

Thinking of the past makes me feel worse
Never thought it would happen

I have to pull myself up.
Expectations are in vain.
i'm waiting...

Constant flow of dragginess
It makes sense to leave,
but yet, it doesnt.

what shall i do from here?

Defend me

People turn defensive
when they dont love themselves enough.

Daddy's girl

hey there
precious one..

I hear you have eyes like Mum, ears like Dad.
It was a Saturday afternoon
Hush Hush ...a quiet affair
Mummy blissful and relieved
Daddy estatic and joyful
Daddy's dream came true
because Mummy gave him a girl
Life will be better
when u came into theirs

You, I haven't met
I know when i do

You'll melt my heart.

If I do commit a sin

If i do commit a sin
Let it be me not seeming emotional
And in replace, slave for you

If i do commit a sin
Let it be me not telling you how i am
and in replace, disguise myself

If i do commit sin
Let it be me telling you at the last end
that I feel this way about you

Let it be me.
If i know how you are deceiving yourself.

You sly one

No expectations

Leave it to you
How you want to love

I should accept how you are
when there's changes
I move with changes
when you love
I love with you

Am i missing something?
Do i know
Do i feel

I'll love with nothing in return
I'll love unconditionally
without fear
without heartbreak
without sceptism
without jealously

without you
I'll be fine

Blueberry Muffins

I consider breakfast as my daily indulgence,
a crucial ingredient to kick start my day.

POST breakfast cereals was what i had today
Blueberry Morning
(Inspired by the taste of home-baked blueberry almond muffins)

Mmmmmm, the taste lingers in my mouth.

cRrunch! softened flakes..
i taste: blueberries, maple syrup, whiff of cinnamon, brown sugar, almonds, oats clusters..

SlurRp...! chilled soya milk...

I'm in heaven..

My ideal BK meal

Freshly made pancakes, drizzled with maple syrup, topped with melted butter. Brathwrust sausages...grilled, fluffy scrambled eggs, sprinkled with salt & pepper, hash, Ripe juicy juicy tomatoes... toast, jam & marmalade!

Finished with freshly squeezed juice

O Jamie Oliver, If I have my hearts' desire...

& have it served daily

I'll be committing a deadly sin!

Today.

My heart skipped a beat.

I love someone.
But i'm not sure
whether i'm loved the same way.

It's been long.
It's been wrong.
and all i have to do is ask.
..I'll know.

I feel it.
But i'm not sure.

Start the engine.

coLours


LIFE is wonderful....

see, hear, touch, taste, smell
love.dreams.passion.chocolate.nature.




I'm a happy woman today.

You give me Love Love Love Love Crazy Love!

I don't love you anymore.

How is it possible?
How can one say you don't love a person you said you will forever?

Did it happen in one moment?

Men are selfish?
They wake to realise they dont want to do this anymore?
They find that there is no return in what you give?
Have they been living in foolish thoughts?

Is Love two-way?
can it be one?

It seems like the one you loved has always treated you this way.
You saw it and accepted it. maybe not.
You loved her more in hope of something.
You loved her in turn for her to love you back.
Meanwhile,
it has been the same for her part.
She accepts your tenderness. your sacrifices. your temper.
and throws hers at you too.
Because she knows you will be there.

You loved her once.
But now,
You woke up to your reality.
and start giving up on that hope.

You dont love her anymore?
It's a harsh sentence to be used.
It became her bad this happened.
Where in fact.
You only came to realisation.

Quixotic. Sappy.

Excessively emotional. Subjectively emotional.

Bad? Good?

The stars says this about me.

This only happens when i numb my sensitiveness with addictions, or when i choose to be with a rigid, judgemental, defensive and realist mate.

Do i happen to read this only when i'm feeling this way?
Do i pick this phrase only when it strikes at what i am feeling?

I feel different everyday. every hour.

Puke!

Fear!

I easily become dependant on someone i like or am comfortable with.
I would therefore be easily be taken for granted
and give all my attention to this particular soul.
Yes, in a repellent kind of way.


And then I'll have expectations of the person. Which is unfair.


EASY EASY EASY

GIVING GIVING GIVING

ANNOYING ANNOYING ANNOYING



I'll make it a point to stop being giving.
I dont like this about others, neither will i tolerate this about me.

I'll focus on my life, my family.
The rest will come later.

PMS

I realise i lose feelings easily.
I wonder where they go to.

This morning i felt i hated someone.
I felt i could be mean.
I felt i'll be disciplined enough to control being seen or heard.

But then,
me got into me,
and as usual,
played a game which rules i didn't master.


I lost, of course.


I'll have to know where this emotion is leading me too.


Control your emotions, or have no control over it?

Control.
as in suppress?

Emotions

I wonder:

how a girl's education look like in the eyes of a hirer

technically speaking, i have only till high school

how does today's society look upon me?








suddenly, it dawned upon me that i have nothing

and i have been deceiving myself for the past 6 years

that i have been different,

that i chose a path not many are brave to step into



now








i see myself as a helpless girl

whose ambitions,

crashed

by deceived hopes, lies, false reality..




i take each step too slow



am i wasted?


where am i now?







is it worth looking deep?

i am currently zero.

Wake Up.

Each day different from the other, why do i not cherish them?

One day, i hope to wake up in another world.